The meet

And finally...after such a long time... I met her...

Her only condition... I had to open a bank account with her...

Agreed...

So I went into the bank building and looked around... She wasn't there...

A banker lady approached me and asked if I need help with something...

I told her who I was looking for and she explained that she was in the back and I was welcome to sit down and wait for her...

Two minutes later...the Girl who wasn't from Earth showed up...

We went through the familiar process of accounts opening and in between a sort of a small talk ...

I was nervous and so was she...but everything went according to plan.

According to her... I'd make her look good by opening an account with her.

I spent a good hour with her...working of course...

But I enjoyed it. And I believe she did too.

3 months later

Oh it was a surprise... I know that nothing in this world happens "all of a sudden"... But this time my trust was played with...
Friends on Facebook... "Okay", I thought... "Maybe she's letting me in"
A profile pic with a her and a guy... Not my habit of jumping to conclusions, so I didn't make anything of it... I even shared my theory with her... "You have a profile pic with a guy so that your ex leave you alone" and instead of telling the truth...she confirmed. Additionally, she said: "Just someone until I find "the one"..." Well that was a clue right there that I missed...
Anyways... It was still the time when we were communicating via work email... I suggested that I stop by her place of employment and her reaction was mean and absolute...
"If you do that I'll never talk to you again!" Okay...so she has a comfort zone that she doesn't want me to violate... I get it...
So one particular Saturday it was raining hard and I passed by her place of employment and saw her car... I sent her a text message, saying: "I just saw your car. It's so shiny..."
Her response was friendly and playful... When I told her that I remember her warning about me visiting her at work...she responded saying that I can visit her anytime I want...awkward...
But I didn't...
And she went on and spent the weekend with the person from her profile pic... A romantic getaway in Galena... Wow...and a new photo of him and her...and his mom's comment on the photo..."what a cute couple".
And that's when my whole world came down crashing...for second time in 6 months.
Almost a year... One year of her playing with my feelings and giving me a false hope.
I was so broken that when she called me I couldn't talk...and of course she hung up without saying goodbye...
But there is something else...two contradicting clues...
One - She told me a couple of times that she's meeting someone but she doesn't know if she likes him....
Two - She said that the person she's seeing had a dream she left him for someone named Mike...
In the end it is all my fault.... I didn't pay attention to those clues...

Broken and shaken I shared my frustration on Facebook. Three minutes later she sent me a text message saying: "Is your status about me?"
So she knows how I feel and said nothing about it?
I told her I have a question but I feared asking it...on which she responded: "just ask."
And later that day she called me... I was genuinely surprised but I spoke with her as if nothing had happened... Maybe she called because she wanted me to ask her the question...
But I never did...
And my question is so simple...that she should have figured it by now...

Giving it another try...

So after my short term happiness... she told me something I never imagined she'd say...

"You still got me, babe"

Another lie...ok...maybe not a lie but just...for her sake...let's call it a "tease".

She asked me to call her...and I did. She had a story to tell and I listened...

Then I wanted to help her...and I gave it a try.

Oh...and she asked me to call her again... And I thought the day has come when she finally sees me as a fit for a date with her...but no... That day will never come.

Imagine this...I ask her to go to the Auto Show with me and she agrees. I buy two tickets and I tell her "let's meet at the Morton Grove Metra Station on Monday, Presidents' Day...so that she don't show up.... Nooooooooo. Not this time!!!

One time she told me something I couldn't believe...but I knew that when a girl says those words it means that she's messed up... And I didn't want to believe that she is... And I really wanted to make her feel special and loved... And I kept trying again and again... But no... She's just shelled up and closed all to herself... I just wonder who is the bastard that did that to her... I really want to squeeze his life out of him...

Truth is that I really like her... Deeply from the heart. And I know what it is to be all shelled up and not letting anyone near you.

...

Messages

Well...everyone likes to give messages...whether direct or in between the lines...

I like people who are direct. Just saying things the way they are...

All other methods are dumb...

If you want to say something...just say it...

Don't go around giving messages not knowing whether people will understand them or not...

Instead of her giving me signs...she should just say it... "Hey! Don't try. I won't go out with you."

But no. She has to do it her way.

She has to make me think she has agreed to meet with me...and then she won't show up... Why? Why do it like that... And why 4 times...

I feel that I will never know...

The Truth is Out There

Oh yea... it really is... I told the Princess about the blog I'm writing... I even sent her a link...

Her only response: "Wow, I'm a bitch."
My response: "No You are not."
No answer.

Well... maybe when you read this you'll know... I'm fine... really... whatever happened... it happened...

Now... moving on...

4:0

One day I asked her... "Will I ever go out with you? Do I have a chance?"
Her response wasn't very clear... as a matter of fact... it was mysterious... and I had no idea what it meant...
Hope dies last... and for me Hope hadn't died yet.

She asked me: "Are you free on Saturday?"
My response: "Yes. I'm free. What about you? Any plans?"
She said: "No. Not at this time."
Myself: "So. Dinner at Graziano's. Saturday. What do you say?"
Her: "That sounds like a good deal. Is that the one near Village Crossing?"
Myself: "Yes. That's the one I know. So what time so good for you? I'll make reservations."
Her: "7ish,"
After going on Open Table and reserving a spot for 2 people at Graziano's on Saturday Night... I thought it was a great deal... because... let's face it... Saturday Night is busy... everywhere... Reservations should be made 3-4 days ahead for some places.
Myself: "Reservation has been made for 7pm." I even sent her a screenshot just to let her see i am not bs-ing her...
Her: "YAY! Awesome."
Myself: "So, will I see you there?"
Her: "Yes. I'll come."

That made all the difference. A great restaurant, a reservation, and a final confirmation from her.

7pm. I'm already at the restaurant. I'm sitting on the table. I had sent her a text message that I'm already there. Maybe she can't respond when she is driving... OK... fine.
7:15pm I sent her a text message. Once again... And she never responded. I felt my heart fell in my stomach. Like a stone...
7:20pm I left the restaurant... Seriously... I wanted to cry... but I actually laughed... I told myself... She did it again... and on Tuesday... she will act like nothing happened...

The Day She Showed Up at Starbucks Wearing an Invisible Hat

So after taking a long break from the second time...
I decided to try one final 3rd time... I thought... she must know me well by now... so she shouldn't be afraid to meet me...
That was not the case however...
The first two times, I was saying to myself, were my mistake... I thought she agreed to meet... but she never did... so if she never confirmed that we will actually meet, it is my fault... I shouldn't be broken...
I kept telling myself... maybe she was unable to respond to my calls or messages... I kept defending her... and on the other side... I wanted to defend myself too... but... it only works one way...
I asked her out again... and I wanted to make it as easy as possible on her....
"Let's meet somewhere close to your job..." and she agreed.
After we negotiated to meet at a Starbucks Coffee not far from where she works... I wanted her to confirm that she will come... and she confirmed...
In my mind... that was different... this time she confirmed... she should show... but deep down I kept having doubts... her confirmation was only a "yea".
3:15pm, I'm at Starbucks Coffee... I ordered a cappuccino and waited... and waited... and waited... then I began writing... I began writing to try and lay my pain on paper...because I knew... she fooled me a 3rd time... this time it was different for me... even though I was hurt... I laughed about what she did... so I sent her a text message... knowing she will not respond...
But she did...
I sent her: "You are baaaaad." Then she responded by asking me why do I think she is bad.
My response: "You showed up at Starbucks wearing an invisible hat."
She never responded to that... No surprise there tho... I said what was on my mind...
I told her... "You're going in my blog! I'm gonna keep writing about you. Thank you for inspiring me."
I risked everything... the line between where a girl accept a joke as a joke and calling the one who wrote it "creepy" is very thin...
I was lucky she never called me creepy...